The Couple That Plays Together...Is Happier and Healthier
You made some resolutions for this year. You intend to eat healthier food, de-clutter your house, get more exercise, or start meditating again. How's that going? Don’t forget to do something easier, more fun, and possibly more important. Play with your partner more. Look up from what you’re trying to accomplish and find the opportunities to play this year, starting today. As adults, a lot of us have to look for opportunities to play because we’ve lost the habit. Little kids are different. They don’t have to look for the opportunities because play is their default mode.
What do we mean by "play"?
It’s hard to define, but we're talking about any moment that includes spontaneity and laughter. Play could be throwing a Frisbee with your sweetie, because you’re likely to be spontaneous and laugh while you’re doing that. But you could play Frisbee while frowning and evaluating your partner’s Frisbee skills. That would not be play. You could play during a car ride if you find yourself laughing or singing along with the radio in a silly way.
Why should you play?
1. Play is good for you
Play will help you reduce stress, experience more joy, and increase your ability to problem solve. D.W. Winnicott, the great British Psychologist, believed that the ability to play was the definition of mental health. He found that play allows people of all ages to enter a state of trust and relaxation. In play, he discovered that we suspend our need for defensiveness and judgment. We stop judging ourselves and we stop judging others. We experience the moment more fully when we play.
2. Play is good for your relationship
Playing with your partner will help you feel more connected. John Gottman, Ph.D., the leading expert of Couples Therapy, has found in his 40 years of research that the most satisfied couples laugh together a lot. These couples even have the ability to laugh together in the middle of arguments.
How to Play More
Where can you find the moments to play with your partner? Are there opportunities to play actual games, like card games or board games, rather than sitting in front of the TV? Those kinds of games can bring out laughter and spontaneity. Are there opportunities for joking or laughter while you are doing something mundane or routine? Can you let go and be silly right in the middle of your de-cluttering or other important resolutions?
So don’t wait until after you’ve accomplished your other resolutions to play. Do it right away. Is it time to get some help with your relationship? We help couples and individuals find more fulfillment in their relationships. Set up a free consultation now.
