How to Find a Good Couples Therapist (Part 1 of 2)
Finding the right Couples Therapist can be challenging. This 2 part series is about how to find the right Couples Therapist for you. In this post I’m focusing on the training and experience you want to look for, and next week I’ll talk about how to make sure that person is a good fit for you and your partner.
It is important that you find a therapist with specialized training in Couples Therapy.
Pay less attention to the letters after the therapist's name (MFT, Ph. D., LCSW, LPCC) and more to their specialized training outside of school. When therapists go to graduate school, they may take as little as one class in Couples Therapy. Often this one class is an overview and doesn’t teach therapists how to actually work with couples. Many therapists don’t see a single couple before they are licensed. I recently spoke to a therapist who says she doesn’t work with couples because it isn’t her passion and she hasn’t had specialized training. This was refreshing to hear, and a little unusual. Many therapists without specialized training offer couples therapy even though they are lacking some necessary skills.
Find out if the therapist uses a method that is research based like The Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. If they are using a different method, make sure that method makes sense to you. The therapists who learn these methods tend to be very committed to helping couples. They have dedicated a lot of hours and dollars to learning these methods because they want to do the best work they can.
These training programs help therapists understand relationship dynamics and how to work with couples. Working with a couple is a different skill set from working with an individual. When you work individually with a therapist, you can delve into your own point of view, and at the right time, you can also take in other points of view. In individual therapy, the client has plenty room to tell his or her story, and it is easier to create safety for one client. In Couples Therapy, there are 2 points of view present from the first session. You need to know your therapist has a method to include both people’s point of view, even when they are in conflict. You need a therapist who knows how to create safety for both of you.
Another reason the specialized training is so important is that without it, therapists tend to fall back on our own assumptions about relationships. Sometimes those assumptions are wrong. The Gottman Institute has done research on couples for over 40 years. They learned what factors make marriages last and flourish and what makes them fall apart. Many of the findings are not what common sense would tell you. If your therapist is not aware of that research and is not using tools based on that research, they will likely fall back on their own opinions about what makes relationships work.
All of the therapists at The Bay Area Relationship Center have specialized training in research-based methods and extensive experience working with couples.
Here are a few questions to ask a potential therapist:
What method or methods of Couples Therapy do you use?
Why do you like that method?
Based on this conversation, how might you work with us?
Next week I’ll talk about how to find a therapist who is a good fit for you.
If you’re looking for the right Couples Therapist, start here. Set up a free consultation now.
