When Is Couples Therapy Over?
If you’re looking for a couples therapist online, you might have some questions about how couples therapy works. You might wonder how to find a good couples therapist, what happens in the first session, and perhaps how long couples therapy will take.
There’s no simple answer to how long couples therapy will take.
We can’t give you a magic number like 3 months or 6 months, but here are some guidelines we use.
You should expect some changes right away.
If you both bring yourselves fully to couples therapy, meaning you’re ready to be honest and try new things, you should see some progress within the first few sessions. You won’t solve all of your relationship problems right away, but you’ll become more aware of the communication patterns you’ve been falling into. That awareness makes a big difference. Even if you’re still having the same arguments after a few sessions, you’ll learn from those arguments in a new way. Rather than chipping away at your bond, arguments become opportunities to figure out what you each need.
How long you stay in couples therapy depends on what kind of change you’re looking for.
If you need a few communication tools or want to work through a decision together, couples therapy might be very brief, perhaps 10 sessions or less. If, on the other hand, you want to rekindle your connection or make the relationship feel safer for both of you, couples therapy can take longer.
It’s likely that your couples therapist will be able to help you decrease the conflict or emotional pain in your relationship within a few months. Some couples decide to stop therapy at that point. Other couples stick with the process after their conflict or emotional pain is under control, and go into the next stage of therapy. In this next stage, you have a chance to build deeper trust with your partner and create a new level of closeness. Your couples therapist can guide you through that process because she’s walked that road with many couples.
You’re done when you can do it on your own.
The simplest answer to when couples therapy is over is when you (the couple) can be your own couples therapist. In successful couples therapy, you gain an understanding of what you each inadvertently do that causes your disconnection. You also gain an understanding of how to interrupt your old pattern and get reconnected. Your couples therapist helps you both recognize those moments when you need to slow down, check in with yourself, or reach out to your partner in a new way. She helps you practice those things in couples therapy until you can start to do them at home. Eventually, you won’t need your couples therapist, and you’ll know how and when to do those things on your own.
You can always return to your couples therapist.
Think of your couples therapist as a consultant who you can return to whenever your relationship needs attention. You may decide to end couples therapy, with a plan to come back in the future. Many couples who come to Rising Relationship Relationship Center resolve some issues, and then return to work with the same therapist when a new issue comes up.
For example, you might complete a round of couples therapy after making progress around your communication and closeness, and then return three years later to work through issues around parenting or work/life balance.
