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What are the qualities you just can’t stand to be with? What is a quality that when it shows up in others or (gulp) yourself, causes you turn and walk away? Here are a few qualities that push those buttons in many of us:

• Selfishness

• Weakness

• Arrogance

• Ignorance

For most of us, there are qualities we see as negative, one that push our buttons and cause us to react. When you sense this quality in someone, you may find that you numb out or react without thinking.

In that numbing out or reacting, you lose a little bit of access to your full self.

You’ve learned to do this to cope with that button getting pushed. However, letting yourself be with the discomfort a little more will expand your capacity to respond and be your whole self.

When you feel a difficult feeling and sit with it for a little while without pushing it away or lashing out, something shifts. It moves through you and eventually ends. Sitting with that feeling means for a moment not doing ANYTHING about it: not solving it, not making sense of it, not resisting it, nothing. You can expand your capacity to do this little by little, 5 seconds at a time.

No feeling lasts forever.

Here’s an example: A woman feels disgust when she sees someone being “weak”. She wants everyone to embrace their power and their choices. When she sees someone not taking action on their own behalf, she shuts down to them and withdraws. She needed certain people to be strong at times in her life and was let down. She’s learned how to shut down to protect herself from further disappointment. The problem for her is that she’s limited herself and is being run by this reaction. “Weakness” shows up in everyone, including her. When she can sit with her discomfort a little bit longer, she will have more choices about how to respond when she encounters weakness.

Consider what quality pushes your buttons and notice your reaction when you perceive it in yourself or others. Complete this sentence:

I can’t stand it when people are ______________. When I encounter that quality I feel ______________. When I feel this way, I tend to _____________.

Notice the next time this feeling comes up. Just notice, then try giving that feeling a label. Breathe. By doing this you will allow the feeling it move through, rather than reacting to it. It can last 5 seconds or 5 minutes. Just notice, gently.

When you can allow yourself to feel any feeling without making judgement or meaning, you are more powerful and have a greater capacity to be close to your loved ones.

They’ll get to experience a fuller and more present version of you.

Want to strengthen your ability to sit with difficult feelings? Schedule a free consultation with one of our therapist.