Brene Brown on Vulnerability

Brene Brown is now a monthly contributor to O Magazine, and I’m glad her word is getting out there to so many people. I think she appeals to me and to so many people because she is a skeptic, and came to her understanding about relationships through research. She didn’t start out as a “touchy feely” person. She has found through her own research that the key to happy relationships is being comfortable being vulnerable.

As Couples Therapists at The Bay Area Relationship Center, a lot of what we do is help people become more comfortable being vulnerable with their partners and also helping people respond well when their partners are vulnerable.

In couple communication, vulnerability means letting go of being right, letting go of defensiveness, and letting go of blaming. Vulnerability means asking for what you want rather than demanding it. It means apologizing when you see you’ve accidentally hurt your partner rather than blaming them for the hurt. It is very hard for many of us to do these things. When you’re vulnerable, you let your partner completely see you, flaws, weakness and all. That’s scary.

The pay off is huge, as you can see if you watch this short talk. But the payoff is not always immediate. Being vulnerable brings up fear of rejection and shame. There’s no guarantee your vulnerability will be well received every time. In our experience working with hundreds of couples, being vulnerable gets easier with practice, like most truly valuable skills.

Find out how an experienced therapist can help. Call 510-826-3359 or schedule online now.