What Are You Hiding From Your Partner?

I’m not talking about affairs, or secret bank accounts, but rather the parts of yourself you may be hiding. Often in the beginning of a love relationship, you feel high as you reveal more and more of yourself. The more you learn about each other, the closer you feel. Opening up and being vulnerable is part of falling in love. Even sharing the difficult stuff can feel good in the beginning. This process is intoxicating, but it is impossible to maintain that level of intensity. Over time you slow down the process of getting to know each other.

Over the years, you can continue to reveal parts of yourself to your partner, or you can begin to hide. You are always learning, growing and changing. Each of us has an internal world full of thoughts and feelings. If you share your internal world with your partner, you continue to grow closer and allow him or her to know you more deeply. If, on the other hand, you don’t share your internal world, you begin to lose closeness.

No one wakes up in the morning and says: “I’m not sharing my internal world today. I’m going to hide and create distance.” This happens inadvertently. Perhaps sharing your internal world feels daunting on certain days, or perhaps you doubt that your partner is interested in knowing you more deeply. Over time, if you take the easier road and don’t share your internal world, you begin to lose the feeling that your partner knows you deeply. You create a habit of hiding. Usually when one person is hiding, both people are hiding.

You can become complicit in not witnessing growth and change in each other.

How can you stop hiding?

Start noticing opportunities to share your internal world. Set an intention to get to know your partner more deeply. Tell your partner about your current dreams and struggles. Ask open-ended questions about your partner’s dreams and struggles. Avoid giving advice or criticizing, because those behaviors shut down deeper sharing.

Why is it difficult to share your internal world with your partner?

You might feel exposed when you share your internal world with your partner. When you share your internal world with your close friends, you each go home at the end of the day. When you share your internal world with your partner….there she or he is, witnessing you. You have no place to hide.

If you want to be your best self and stay close to your partner, the discomfort of exposure is worth it.

At The Bay Area Relationship Center, we help couples change negative patterns and find closeness again. Set up a free consultation now.