One person resting their head on another person's chest

Finding the right Couples Therapist can be a challenge Here's what to look for in terms of training and experience, and how to make sure that person is a good fit for you and your partner.

It is important that you find a therapist with specialized training in Couples Therapy.

Pay less attention to the letters after the therapist's name (MFT, Ph.D., LCSW, LPCC) and more to their specialized training outside of school. When therapists go to graduate school, they may take as little as one class in Couples Therapy. Often this one class is an overview and doesn't teach therapists how to actually work with couples. Many therapists don't see a single couple before they are licensed.

Find out if the therapist uses a method that is research based such as The Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. If they are using a different method, make sure that method makes sense to you. The therapists who learn these methods tend to be very committed to helping couples. They have dedicated a lot of hours and dollars to learning these methods because they want to do the best work they can.

These training programs help therapists understand relationship dynamics and how to work with couples. Working with a couple is a different skill set from working with an individual. When you work individually with a therapist, you can delve into your own point of view, and at the right time, you can also take in other points of view. In individual therapy, the client has plenty room to tell his or her story, and it is easier to create safety for one client. In Couples Therapy, there are 2 points of view present from the first session.

You need to know your therapist has a method to include both people's point of view, even when they are in conflict. You need a therapist who knows how to create safety for both of you.

Another reason the specialized training is so important is that without it, therapists tend to fall back on our own assumptions about relationships. Sometimes those assumptions are wrong. The Gottman Institute has done research on couples for over 40 years. They learned what factors make marriages last and flourish and what makes them fall apart. Many of the findings are not what common sense would tell you. If your therapist is not aware of that research and is not using tools based on that research, they will likely fall back on their own opinions about what makes relationships work.

Here are a few questions to ask a potential therapist:

What method or methods of Couples Therapy do you use?
Why do you like that method?
Based on this conversation, how might you work with us?

Making Sure They're a Good Fit

You also need to know if they are a good match for you and your partner. Here are some important factors to consider:

1) The therapist doesn't take your side

If you get the sense that a therapist is taking your side, you may need to find a different therapist. Interview the therapist and find out whether you feel they can understand what you're each going through. Talk to the therapist before having a session to get a feeling about whether you could each feel safe with them. The therapist won't perform therapy over the phone, but you can get a sense of how they'll see your issues, and whether they have hope for your relationship. If it is possible for both of you to talk to the therapist, together or separately, that's even better.

2) The therapist notices your strengths

From the 1st session, you want to get a sense that they are asking about your strengths and understanding your relationship as a whole, not just focusing on the problems you have right now. Your strengths are what has brought and kept you together, and your therapist should respect and honor that. It also gives them something to build off of and come back to when times are tough.

3) The therapist has the right tone for you and your partner

Find out if you have a good personality match. There is no Couples Therapist who is right for every couple. If you tend to have volatile fights, look for someone with a big enough personality to interrupt you and take charge of the session. If, on the other hand, you tend to be overly well behaved and compliant, look for someone gentle and intuitive enough to notice that and bring out your honest feelings.

4) The therapist is culturally competent to work with you

Ask the hard questions. Do you want to know if they have experience working with same-sex couples? Do you want to know if they have experience with cross-cultural relationships? Do you want to know if they have any biases about polyamory? Would it help to know that they have children? Ask.

When you ask these questions, you'll get a sense of both their experience and their comfort level in answering the question. You shouldn't be in the position of educating your therapist about your culture or any area of your life. Therapy is your time.

San Francisco Couples Therapist Considerations

You have options. San Francisco and the Bay Area have many couples therapists with specialized training. You don't have to settle for someone who's just "okay with" your relationship—you can find someone who genuinely understands it.

Cost matters. Therapy in San Francisco can be expensive. Many therapists offer sliding scale fees, and some take insurance. Ask about your options.

Virtual therapy expands your choices. Many San Francisco-based therapists see clients throughout California via telehealth, which can give you more scheduling flexibility and access to therapists who specialize in what you need.

Confidentiality in a close-knit community. If you're concerned about running into your therapist socially or having connections overlap, that's worth asking about upfront.

Common Questions About Couples Therapy in San Francisco

Couples therapy in San Francisco typically ranges from $150-$300+ per session. Many therapists, including us, offer sliding scale fees based on income. Some accept insurance, though coverage varies. It's worth asking about options during your consultation call.
It varies. Some couples come for a few months to work through a specific issue. Others stay longer to build deeper skills or navigate ongoing challenges. On average, couples work with us for 3-6 months, meeting weekly or every other week. We'll check in regularly about progress and what makes sense for you.
Not necessarily, but it helps if you're both willing to try, but it's common for one partner to be more hesitant at first. A good therapist can work with that ambivalence and help you both figure out if therapy is right for you. Sometimes the hesitant partner becomes the most engaged once they feel understood.
Yes. Many San Francisco-based therapists, including us, offer telehealth throughout California. Virtual sessions work well for couples therapy—you're still together in the same room, just meeting with your therapist via video. It gives you more flexibility in scheduling and access to specialized therapists
Most couples start with weekly sessions, then shift to every other week as things stabilize. If you're in crisis or doing intensive work, you might meet more frequently. If you're in maintenance mode or doing well, monthly check-ins can work. We'll figure out the right pace together.

Couples Therapy At Rising Relationship Center

All of the therapists at Rising Relationship Center have specialized training in research-based methods and extensive experience working with couples. Our therapists are dedicated to cultural competency with all couples, including LGBTQ+ couples, polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships, and neurodivergent partnerships.

Learn more about LGBTQ+ Couples Therapy →

Learn more about ENM and Polyamorous Relationship Therapy →

Learn more about Couples Therapy →